The Gym Bums.

So today I was reading an article at Jezebel.com about this website for "Beautiful People" where some "vigilant members" reported in people for having the nerve to "get fat", and they've been removed from the website. When a picture of the site owner surfaced, one Jezebel commentator came up with this AMAZING description of what he would be like at the gym:


"He's totally the guy at the gym who's "so into" working out but only does 5,000 bicep curls (and no cardio) and walks around on teeny-tiny little legs before hitting the sauna (no homo, brah!), taking a shower, spraying on way too much Axe, carefully placing every bit of his "causually mussed" hair, pulling on his tight-but-not-too-tight (again, no homo, brah!) "going out" shirt and kissing his biceps for good luck before going out for a happy hour where he downs too many Red Bull and vodkas and futiley tries to pick up women by telling them they'd "totally pass the test for his website," if they know what he means."

. . .which totally cracked me up, because THAT GUY goes to my gym, too. I think every gym has a guy like that.


And while working out on the elliptical machine today, I saw a ton of people at the gym just dying for descriptions. Here are a few:


The girl next to me, furiously working the elliptical at 160+ steps per minutes for a full hour straight, with the settings set on 10 resistance, sweating profusely, while hunkered over the handlebars, brow completely furrowed. She didn't have an ounce of fat on her, and was wearing nothing but a sports bra and some shorts. I was kind of afraid of her, definitely in awe, and found her body a little scary. Probably because mine has never been anywhere CLOSE to looking like that, but she had that TV-aerobics-video-instructor look where it's like your abs are trying to burst through your skin. Eeks. Take the day off.


Man with a dolphin tattoo. No, it wasn't meant ironically.


//tattoo rant: 95% of tattoos suck. There, I said it. No one cares what the "story" behind yours is. I always have to stop myself from laughing about those. And I hate it when people make it some huge deal about how this chinese character symbolizes their dead great aunt, and every time they look down, it's like a remembrance. I would prefer a photo album and some personal items of theirs than some irrelevant ink tattooed onto my body, but hey, that's just me. Also, your generic butterfly/asian character/sailor jerry tattoo isn't original, just fyi. Oh, and you are not made "edgy" by getting a 1/2" tattoo of a heart on your big toe. Small tattoos just look like you got too drunk with your friends one night. If you're going to do it, at least commit to it.

Also on my hate list: nose studs. Are you singing at Lillith Fair? Do you also do your hair in the three bun things? No? This is not 1996 anymore. Sorry to break it to you.


end rant//

A girl comes in, upset because all the cardio machines are taken. She is wearing full make-up, brand new exercise clothes, and she is tiny. In fact, all I saw where her boobs should be was ribcage. You can go ahead and take the day off too, sweetie.


New gym people, loitering around when I got there today. I see an empty treadmill, and look around. No one makes a move, so I go over there and get on it. Then, I see that an elliptical freed up a few minutes later. I kept checking back every ten seconds to see whether or not someone got on it. No one did. So I get off the treadmill and get on the elliptical. I get glared at by all the "new people", and some one comes by a few seconds later to ask me how long I'm going to be on it. IT WAS FREE FIVE MINUTES AGO. YOU DIDN'T GET ON!!! Like, am I doing this wrong, or are they just that unassertive?! What were they waiting for?!?! An invitation to come in the mail?


This girl wasn't in today, but a month or two ago, a tiny, clearly anorexic woman comes in. The flair on her gym pants were wider than her hips, that's how small we're talking. She doesn't work out. She walks over to the rack that holds the magazines, and opens up a page of a cooking magazine to a giant picture of a burger, and stares at it for several seconds, before leaving the room. Okay, we get it. You don't eat. But WHY YOU ARE HERE?


The thing is, the gym is such a weird place for me, because I don't identify with gym people. I hate working out. The only reason I do it is so I don't look fat (I am still hopelessly insecure, okay? I get it. It's fucked up. But the pressure to look good is still there). I don't want to look like someone who works out, I want to look like someone naturally skinny. And being there just ends up making me feel weird and dirty, like we're all in this self-loathing club and we're all comparing ourselves to others, and we hate our bodies. Such a strange sensation.


Also, lately I've been acting bitchy for no real reason. It might be because I'm not working anymore and don't have anything to complain about anymore, and I'm also just kinda bored. I was also raised in a household where family members who do, in fact, love each other, tease each other and bicker constantly, so things like that don't really seem serious to me. It gave me a thick skin, I guess, but no one told me that the rest of the world wouldn't have skin so thick.

I don't know, I think my teen years were total shit and I was made fun of, and my self-esteem was at a zero, so I figured the only way to survive intact was to be self-depreciating and break myself down instead of letting someone else do it, like a comedian does. And so I find it so bizarre when someone engages in some behavior that can be perceived of as boastful or braggy, and so I kind of want to knock them down. I don't know why that is; there's no reason for it. Also, I think I find many aspects of human behavior so amusing that I draw attention to it even though it will apparently make others self-conscious.

I guess I need to just watch myself. There are aspects of my personality that have served me well, like being assertive and not taking shit from others, that have helped me survive. Unfortunately, these can also harm the people I love and care about.


It's also kind of a question of me attempting to buck stereotypes. I don't want to be the typical maternal, sweet, giving, conscientious woman. It just seems cliche and outdated. I'm much more drawn to a female persona that is strong, assertive, wanton, and even cruel. I guess I just always wanted to be the girls in songs that boys write when they get broken up with, not some lily-white sweet girl that everyone loves.


But anyways, I'll try to work on it, as best I can, and hopefully I can be a better person to those who care about me.