Hi, shit. Say hello to fan.

Yeah, life fucking sucks right now. Just found out my hours are cut at Macy's. No longer a divisional, but I DO get the joys of working in shoes, and working totally part-time. 20 hours a week equals about $150/week short of what I was making before; also about $250 short of what I need to live an impoverished, yet reasonable life. Looking over the Craigslist job ads is pretty much a joke, as I'm not qualified for anything, really. Maybe a few "internships" (unpaid, obviously) I might get (if I'm lucky). It's a bad sign if you can't even GIVE away your time for free. Boyfriend is in equally dire straights. Grim future, that. I might just have to admit defeat and move home.


It's sad how the best of intentions have to go so wrong. How last summer it seemed that anything was possible, and how even this extremely meagre present life is going to be down-graded even more. Apparently I can get something even shittier than a studio at this apartment building. I might have to. If I can afford even that. Plus student loans plus the cost of just existing, eating, occasionally providing some distraction from the shittiness of your life, and finding even THAT's too expensive. . . well, hell.


And how there are people out there squandering all kinds of money, dumbass superficial bitches who get rich douchebag boyfriends and blow a hundred bucks on dinner, buy $400 shoes, pay $3,000 for rent, and the girls don't have to do one damn thing. They might "dabble" in something, or work "freelance" in some impossible "career". In reality, they don't do shit, and they know it. They have the privilege of having some arty hobby that they pretend is a job. And how exactly is this fair?


Life is not fair, I knew that long ago. It seems to be especially unfair for me. Everytime I think I stumble into a situation that seems like it will turn out for the best, misfortune strikes immediately, and I'm left with the tatters of what could have been. It's not a fun place to be. If I could honestly imagine a time when I would get the "good job", get the "connections", have one thing in life turn out the way it should, looking at my history, intelligence, and education, then I would be beyond shocked. This is the world for me right now.


And it's a nightmare.