Eff.

Yeah, basically my biggest style icon at the moment (ever?) is Effy Stonem from Skins, which is of course, my favorite TV show ever, because British teen dramas with lots of sex and drugs is the only escapism I can muster working full time for minimum wage in Seattle with no friends and no social life.
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Which makes Effy seem ever so appealing. Desirable, enigmatic, mysterious. Doesn't talk. Short skirts, skinny. Not impressed. Smoking.

Wanted. That's the main thing. Something about her that makes her wanted, being fit, beautiful, but no personality to speak of. Not sure how that works, but it's what I've always wanted, and it's what she has. Being the center of attention. Fucking with people. Playing games, being cruel. She's who I wish I had been in High School.






Now it's too late, though. It's the real world now, nothing to break your fall if you don't make enough rent money, if you spend too much. Can't quit the job you hate because there's no one else who would have you. Sometimes I wonder how some people get all the luck, never having to worry about this stuff. I haven't written lately because it's all been too stressful for me. Work is getting yelled at or ignored or asked to look up the same thing five times because they refuse to accept me saying that "we don't have it". Having to wait on ignorant people, getting asked if they can use a ten dollar off coupon on a pair of boots that's already only $19, getting treated like shit, basically. It's belittling, it's hard to remember your humanity. You get hard because of it. You get damaged. You get used to being treated like a subhuman. I don't like it. And me, after my amazing grades in college, the apple of my instructor's eyes. This is the best I can do.


So yeah, not having to worry about that shit and instead be some waifish silent girl who is wanted for doing nothing, well, it has it's vicarious appeal to me.