Una.

(Romaine Brooks)

I love images of early 20th century "inversion" among lesbian intellectuals, especially in Paris. It has an air of chic about it, even though it was a socially ostracizing deathknoll before the garconne look came into fashion.


I want to be extremely lithe+wear a monocle+dress in boy tuxedos.



Though in a way, reading my book "Women of the Left Bank", I feel as though I'm a "sell-out" by being straight. I guess I won't be subverting the patriarchy anytime soon, at least in a way that considers any heterosexual act as anti-woman. It's hard, because determining what you believe is impossible to separate from culture and social pressures and personal psychology. What is a belief? Can I ever be held responsible for my own? Is it all just a difference in circumstances? Is it just the roll of a dice that I didn't become a fundie christian who would already be married and having her second child, to raise for "God's purposes"? Could a random event have made me a completely different person? What an awful thing to think, that each action (or non-action) is setting a chain of events in motion. Yet, what else has life ever been?


Tonight we watched "The Scarlet Empress", Josef der Sternberg, Marlene Dietrich, about Catherine the Great's Russian reign. Of course I enjoyed the opulence, the odd German Expressionistic set design, the story of a naive girl turning into a powerful, seductive, cunning Tsarina. But I think my fascination with films from this time have severely hindered my comprehension of reality. Women, I learned, who ooze sexuality and who are "beautiful" may easily exploit others and loot the world of all its luxuries at a whim. But is that ever really the case? Why must the story always revolve around power, and cruelty, entwined with female sexuality? Yes, it's fun, but it is damaging to women, to associate sexuality with sin, vice, and "evil" behavior. There is a power through it, yes, but I have rarely seen it occur in real life.


It could be a class thing, though. In all the old movies, the beautiful woman is always an heiress, a performer, spoiled, or in some extremely lucrative profession, or generally has no occupation besides being object of admiration. She is always adorned in furs and decadent evening gowns. I always wonder what comes first: the beautiful woman who deserves money for adornments, or money and adornments making the woman appear beautiful.


Being a woman is complicated. If you haven't read "The Second Sex", you should be reading it. DeBeauvoir is probably my favorite author who addresses the subject, which she explores from every angle imaginable. In it, she describes the power of the hetaira being ultimately superficial, and I'd have to agree with her.